The Sad and Painful and Beautiful Truth

For the true dater the road to domestic bliss is lined with so many bumps, bruises and hurdles, plus unexpected trips to the doctor, late night liquor store and local bar, that it can seem pretty daunting: for your liver, wallet, heart and soul especially. Shit, it can be scary and frustrating out there, but isn’t anything that’s ever been worthwhile!? For every date where you end up fearing for your life is the one where you fear your cries of passion have woken up every person in the neighborhood. For every time you don’t want to stop talking because your souls are connected, there will be a night when someone wants to sleep with you and you will pretend be so tired that you’re almost falling asleep right there and then.

For every time you wished you hadn’t called up somebody because you knew the second it was over you would be wondering how to get them out (maybe the pretend your so tired trick), there’s a night of conversation where you feel like your whole life has lead to that moment. Everything you’ve learned about the human condition is touched. Every piece of knowledge you retained from waiting room magazines and late night Discovery watching, comes out in a cavalcade of genius and sensibility, where you realize that it was all triggered by this person. The playful conversation is peppered with moments of revelation and true sharing that you can’t remember experiencing before. An unexpected electricity rushes through your body. They make you feel right. They make you feel like the person you’ve dreamed that you could be. You’ll want to bottle that feeling and drink it everyday for the rest of your life. The feeling will soon fade when you find out they’re married. But for having lived it, you know it’s possible. Nobody can take that away from you, and so you DATE ON!

And then you find the electricity again, and this time, it actually leads to another date, and heated passion. Guaranteed great sex and feelings of emotional-holy-shit-this-feels-good for two to four weeks. To all of you I say enjoy this special cocoon of the relationship, because for 99.99% of them, this cocoon is all you’ll ever have so enjoy it while it lasts. When I was in my early twenties, I started a game with myself whenever I was riding a bus or subway. I would pick the one lady who would join me as the last two people on earth. We would be together forever, creating civilization from our union. That’s what those first few weeks are like. (Also on the subway or bus I’d pick out the girl I would want to sleep with right then and there, for a few weeks, in a dark bar in Peru, things like that.) Often times you know the nearing expiration date on a relationship from the very outset, but you need to escape into fantasyland. You need the protection of the cocoon, of your dreams, to shield you from the world sometimes. Why not? Live a little!

Hell deep down you’re still a dreamer no matter what has beaten you down before. These brief flickering moments of passion and connection in the cocoon might just be the only realization they will ever have so go for it. All your married friends wish they had the opportunities you’re living! You’re living the dream some will say! Of course, you think they are. Just enjoy the moment and you’ll get there. And you really will learn things. How to trust your instincts, how to really listen, and most importantly: By dating, you will learn exactly what you want, or should I say, what works best for you here on earth, in reality, where we live our lives. You’ll begin to realize that when somebody says these things on the first date:

“I’m really crazy.”
“Don’t you think we’d make beautiful babies!?”
“I can’t stay in a relationship because I have no self-esteem.”
“Have you ever wanted to kill somebody?”

They really mean it! There’s no subtext here. It just depends on how badly you want to enter the cocoon, be it a night or a month, because the clock is ticking. You either heed the signs and consider friendship if possible, realize it’s over, or you get caught up in their sweet smile as they look down and lead you right to their cleavage. Already you can barely remember the warning shot she just fired. And when she looks up, smiles meekly, a little sad, but a little glad that you’re still there, all bets are off that she can do anything to scare you away, at least for a few weeks. Of course guys can do this too,

You’ll get exactly what you want and what you need for the near future. As you chuckle and say something nurturing or funny, she knows that she has been given a free pass into the cocoon. The deal is signed. We both need to escape and we understand that we are going to enjoy this as much as possible without dealing with the shit that we need to. This will fuel heightened sexual activity, over enjoyment of upcoming events and a soon to be determined crash when one of the two try and have a real conversation or address the issues that are lurking under the surface. Little things pop up before it’s over. After a week of hanging in the cocoon:

“You should move that plant to the other side of balcony. Why do you have it over here!? You really should move it.”
“Okay, I’lllll think about it…”

“Oh, I forgot my wallet again, sorry!” (Followed by a quiet chuckle. Part embarrassment, part what did you expect Sugar Daddy?!)
“Umm…”(Followed by a puzzled look and a quick smile that disappears even quicker.)

“Why don’t you paint if you want to be a painter?”
“I don’t want to talk about it!”

And soon that relationship will end, you’ll hope your next batch of tests comes up clean, and then you will Date On! And when you think that the whole point of all of this dating is to stop dating, you realize the comedy of it all. It’s like being a drug addict, just so you can feel the great health and enjoyment of life, when you finally kick it. Of course, the journey becomes a never-ending road of self-discovery. By the end you’ll have gone out with so many wrong people, or great for three week but no more than that people, that when you finally find the one, nothing will happen that could possibly let you screw it up, I hope. Unless you need to marry like you dated. Then maybe by the tenth one you’ll get it right! Let’s hope that you take dating for what it is though: a journey to the goal, and oh what a journey it has been.

Welcome To The Show

Hello and welcome to The Date Man! I have struggled through the rejections and the missteps, the false promises and wasted hours, so you, both man and woman, can reap the rewards of a great dating life. We will be releasing excerpts of The Date Man's eagerly awaited book: Some Girls Talk Too Much, over the next few weeks. Any publishers who want to read the whole thing just let me know as nobody has snatched it up yet.

The title is just one of many stories along with my thoughts, tips and warnings from one man’s journey through the war on dating. And girls please don't be deterred. I know as much as you do that guys can talk too much as well. Dogs can talk too much. I myself have found tranny squirrels' to be the very worst. It just so happens that on a date many years ago I leaned in to kiss a girl as she was talking, my lips hovered besides hers as she continued, and when I leaned back she continued as if nothing had happened. I was gone five minutes later and had waited two hours to make the move, which I only made because I had gone through an entire summer of not making the move with the right people, just so I could end up making a move with the wrong person and I guess to get the title of my book. Everything happens for a reason and you always learn from the from the dog days!

I also coach people through their dating doldrums so if you ever have a question just leave one here and I'll do my best to help you out. The better the world gets at dating the more fun it will be for everybody so don't hold back. I look forward to hearing from you along the way. Date on!